The news I dreaded

When we had dinner with the High Lama of Mongolia, he gave each of us a small baggy of what he said was precious earth. He told us to use small amounts of it to put into bodies of water and pray.  He said he hoped that this little bit of Mongolia would help some of the suffering in the US. It was a beautiful sentiment especially when you consider that we were there to try to help some of the suffering in Mongolia.  Still I couldn't help thinking of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean saying I have this jar of dirt.  I know, I'm going someplace bad.  I digress.

This morning when I logged onto the computer, I received the message I'd dreaded the whole trip- my beloved grandfather had died yesterday.  He is one of the strongest men I've ever met, and I loved him deeply.  Yet still I left home with instructions that I was to be notified if he died, and that I wouldn't fly home. Johnny wouldn't have wanted me to do that. Plus, I feel like I have said good-bye to him. I even told my mom that yes, she could use my post as his eulogy  as she'd asked.

Yet, this morning the news brought tears to my eyes. After breakfast, I walked to the spot I have walked to every morning since I arrived here...

I sat on that table that feels like some sort of a shrine, and I thought about Johnny.  I cried (something I never do), and I tried to honor the man who he was.  The man I am fortunate to have grown up knowing.  I am travelling a new continent.  In the last few weeks, I have dined with a Lama, I have visited a Buddhist temple, I have worked to help healthcare in Mongolia, I have slept in a Gher, I have walked the Mongolian national parks and the Balinese beaches. Tomorrow I will visit temples here in Bali and visit a Balinese park. I am honoring him, by honoring things he loved.  Yet, still I know that my world is a little smaller a little less without him in it.

I stood by the Indian Ocean today and I took a little of the High Lama's dirt and I put it in the ocean, and I prayed that Johnny is now holding hands with Frankie again, and that they are travelling the universe together.

RIP Lloyd Johnson 9-1-1914 to 9-18-2009... I love you!