Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Happy Place

I joke frequently about finding my happy place. Most of the time I am referring to a state of mind.  A state where my mind is clear, quieted, calmed; thereby, allowing me to focus on whatever requires my attention, or at least not be distracted by the stuff that surrounds me.  Putting it in other words, getting my mind where it was in Bali, but Bali is very, very far away.  So going there to sort stuff out would be impractical to say the least.  Therefore, alternatives must exist and fortunately they do.  My happy place can be many different places, but it always involves fresh air, typically water in some form (snow, lake, river, ocean, fountain- I'm not so picky), some nice pine trees and maybe a sunset. Sold!

Really though when I speak of My Happy Place as a real place it is Lake Arrowhead.  Or more specifically that little corner of Lake Arrowhead where I have spent so much time in over the past 35 years.  It meets all of my criteria-
Water- check, there's the lake, a stream running by our place, and sometimes snow
Fresh air- check, it's the mountains, silly
Pine trees- done, it's the middle of the forest after all, we even have 2 Sequoias and if those aren't grand trees I don't know what is
Sunset- sure the sun sets there and you can watch it from the dock or our porch

So yeah, that is my happy place.  Most of you who pay even the slightest bit of attention to this site know the last few weeks were a little rough.  So I made plans to escape for the little free time I had this holiday weekend to Lake Arrowhead.  I arrived up there and felt the mountain air begin to do it's work that was then aided along by waking up to a world blanketed by the first snow of the season.

I am thankful to know where my happy place is and to be able to go there.  Happy Thanksgiving all!

Monday, November 16, 2009


A few months ago I wrote about how difficult it is for me to speak truths to the family of my patients some times, about my realization of the power of words, and my pursuit of speaking clearly.  I am still a work in process in this regards as in so many others.

Today as I prepare for a family meeting, I am thinking about some of the words/phrases that I use on an almost daily basis that are thankfully foreign to most.  Things like "limits of viability," "incompatible with life," "allow natural death"...  These phrases have very specific meanings in my world, but they sound cold, harsh, unfeeling.  Yet sometimes that is reality and there is no sugar coating it.  I wish there was.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

20 yrs- Really??

A few weeks ago, I found myself heading to my 20 yr high school reunion with a big sense of trepidation brewing in my belly.  To say high school wasn't exactly my time might be an understatement, but when I'd looked through my photo albums and yearbooks with my BFF on the phone prior to the reunion I remembered that there were some really good times.  Some good friends, many memories and although I have only really kept in touch with only said BFF since high school.  I was curious.  Yet, still when I didn't feel so good that day, I almost gave in figuring I had an excuse. Somehow or another I convinced myself to go.

I arrived at the San Gabriel Country Club and was greated by many familiar faces and many not so familiar. I found some old friends and found easy conversation, interesting people.  Yes, we have all grown up in the last 20 years.  The people who were friendly and interesting, still are!  For the most part, the people who were tools, still are!  Even with that said.  I had a really nice time. I am glad that I went. I was really glad to reconnect with many of the people whom I had known since I was 5 years old, when we all started kindergarten.  I have made plans to see some of them since.

Maybe you can't go back. I am sure that I don't want to go back to high school, yet still it was a really fun evening.

Best wishes SMHS class of '89 it was good to see you again.