Saturday, January 15, 2011

The worst kind of Deja Vous

A little over 4 years ago, I was prepping to go to New York for surgery at MSKCC on my ankle.  Now a few days over 4 years later I'm doing the same thing.  Preparing to go to New York, I am reminded of how I came to this decision, I am reminded of how this nightmare began.

I described my original decision to have treatment at MSKCC, where they were willing to given me an Option 4.  This is not a question I have the emotional capacity to question right, it is what it is. I trust my doctor there, I trust the staff.  Also, in a weird way it has kept my life as a cancer patient there, away from the rest of my life.

This morning as I cehcked more things off of my To Do List and then headed out ot the gym for a  quick 1.5 hour workout, I was reminded that while yes, so many things are frieghteningly similar as the last time I did this, still I am not the same person I was 4 years.  I am stronger, physically and mentally.  I am 70 lbs lighter.  I have found a faith in myself.  I know that I will get through this even when I have my days that I just want to curl up in a ball.  Can you blame me?

Alright, back to work young lady- cracks the whip!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lisa - Don't blame ya for the crawling in a ball thing but you have beaten this before and you will again - rooting for ya xxxx
LisaB

Anonymous said...

Hey there, friend. Hang in there, you are much stronger than you can imagine (especially on your worst day). Praying for you. Julie W.