Saturday, January 15, 2011

The worst kind of Deja Vous

A little over 4 years ago, I was prepping to go to New York for surgery at MSKCC on my ankle.  Now a few days over 4 years later I'm doing the same thing.  Preparing to go to New York, I am reminded of how I came to this decision, I am reminded of how this nightmare began.

I described my original decision to have treatment at MSKCC, where they were willing to given me an Option 4.  This is not a question I have the emotional capacity to question right, it is what it is. I trust my doctor there, I trust the staff.  Also, in a weird way it has kept my life as a cancer patient there, away from the rest of my life.

This morning as I cehcked more things off of my To Do List and then headed out ot the gym for a  quick 1.5 hour workout, I was reminded that while yes, so many things are frieghteningly similar as the last time I did this, still I am not the same person I was 4 years.  I am stronger, physically and mentally.  I am 70 lbs lighter.  I have found a faith in myself.  I know that I will get through this even when I have my days that I just want to curl up in a ball.  Can you blame me?

Alright, back to work young lady- cracks the whip!


Anonymous said...

Lisa - Don't blame ya for the crawling in a ball thing but you have beaten this before and you will again - rooting for ya xxxx

Anonymous said...

Hey there, friend. Hang in there, you are much stronger than you can imagine (especially on your worst day). Praying for you. Julie W.