Escapism!!

The #SunBowlRoadTrip represented a journey to watch our college football teams play each other for the first time in 20 years, but also it was an escape from some of the serious issues going on in my life. 

As we drove away from Los Angeles I felt myself lighten, some of the burden I was carrying seemed a little less.  I didn’t care that we were to drive until 4 am through the desert.  For 4 days I didn’t have to think about what January held and I embraced that.  We laughed, we laughed at stupid stuff, we made fun of each other.  We taunted each other about our teams.  Occasionally we’d touch on the serious but we’d back away. Port-a-potties on the border were funnier.

Sunday morning as we had breakfast, we both wanted to stay longer.  To linger in the lovely Phoenix sun (that was actually not hot) and drink mimosas and pretend that reality didn’t exist.  Alas, our pragmatism kicked in, and we began the last leg of our journey home. 

With every mile closer to our home, I felt a little of the weight return to my shoulders.  After we crossed the border into California, it seemed real.  A few hundred more miles and I couldn’t pretend like my reality didn’t exist anymore.  I couldn’t take it any longer. So, we got off the highway and followed a dirt road to its end, and had a picnic.

We enjoyed a few last moments in the great expanse of the Southwestern desert.  Nothing around us but tumbleweeds, cacti, the mountains in the distance, the blue ski above and the distant sound of the freeway.  It seemed idyllic.  We lingered longer than we intended.  I fought the urge to say screw it, I’m staying.   Still, I’m too pragmatic, too realistic about the importance of what I need to deal with. On my days off since, I’ve fought the urge to drive back to the desert, but there is no more time for me to bury my head in the sand.  Reality is here now…

What’s so scary?  Several months ago, I learned that the cancer in my ankle that I dealt with 4 years ago had come back.  Initially, there was fear I’d have to undergo amputation, but after more tests, we’ve agreed to give me one more chance at conservative therapy.  One more chance to keep a functional foot.  My surgery is scheduled for 2 weeks from now.  That reality is what it is.

My recovery will be long, but hopefully cleaner than last time.  I started blogging because of this, so it hasn’t seemed right to not blog about it, but I wasn’t sure if I should write here or go back to The Tale of My Left Foot.  For good or for bad, I’ve decided that I want to stay here.  So, I’m finally ready to start admitting to my reality. Its time to face it.  Thanks so much to all of you who have supported me.

Still, I really want to return to the desert.  Can you blame me?